Moving On

Sometimes in life we are rolling along, thinking everything is fine.  When out of the clear blue sky someone knocks you don't.  Well, that happened to me recently.  It was someone that I never in a million years would have thought could possibly do that to me.  Someone I loved so very very much. And still do.
I thought I had found the perfect man.  Not that he was perfect, of course no one is.  But, a man that I could love and trust and grow old with.  Someone who had been through a very difficult time in his life as well as I had.  I thought when he told me he loved.  When he said that it was Forever and Always, that he meant it.  Someone that I gave myself to completely. 
Then one day he came to me and said, I want to be single, I want to be free......
My world came crashing down around me, I couldn't see how I could possibly live.  I couldn't imagine living without this man in my life.  I wanted desperately to know why.  I wanted desperately to understand what had changed, what I had done or not done that would make him say he didn't love me. 
But, he would not be open with me, he would not stand up and be a man,  He would not give an explination.  He sent me away.  He paid for me to return to my previous home.  He sent me back to my family.  He sent me away so fast that I didn't even have time to decide what my options were. 
I miss my home, cuz thats where I feel like home is.  I miss the beach.  I miss hime.

But, life goes on.  The sun rises, the sun sets.  The hands on the clock keep going around. We put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving through our days.

Although right now, I am still totally in shock over what happened. I really find it so hard to believe that he could act the way he did.  Someone that I knew to be so caring, in a heartbeat turned into someone who didn't care at all. 

I will spend the rest of my life not understanding how someone could make me believe how much they loved me and then not.  In the meantime, I will try to bring myself some peace,  Try to put my life back together again as best I can.  I know that it will be a long time (if ever) before I can ever try to trust anyone again.  I the meantime, I will put ALL of trust in God.  I know that as long as I keep Him in the center of my life I will survive.  I will mend.  I will be right where He wants me to be.  And one day maybe,  He will send me someone to love, someone to trust, someone to grow old with.