Thank You

So, it's been awhile since I've written.  I have had so many changes going on in my life.  But, I am headed down the right path, the straight and narrow, the road less traveled.  I am so greatful for the help and support that I have received from my family and friends. It has been a rough road from Dec. 2012 to April 2013. 
My family has been soooooo supportive.  They have been the force that has kept me sane.  My mother who has never once questioned my decisions, but has allowed me to live and learn from my mistakes.  My daughter and my son who hugged me while I cried.  My friends who have tolerated my rantings, as well as my sobbing mumbling. 
I am thankful for the company that hired me.  Because it was going to work for this company that allowed me to seek some counsel at no cost to me, when I didnt have a penny to my name.  I am thankful that I was able to buy a car ( the car I have been dreaming about for quite awhile).

I am thankful that I have been offered a position at another company at more pay and full time hours as well as benefits.  I am thankful that my credit is slowly getting restored so that I can look forward to buying a home for myself and my dog Bentley.  I have never really been on my own before.  As much as I wish things  had turned out differently in S. Carolina, I am ready to move on without a man in my life.  I have not gotten over or forgotten what has occurred in my past but with the grace of God, His love and direction I can move forward.

I am looking forward to being about to decorate my place the way I want.  To doing  as much volunteer work as I want without someone feeling like I'm not spending enough time with them.  I am looking forward to getting myself involved in a new church life.  Working on my Counseling Studies again.  To doing the very best job that I can with this new company.   To saving up money for escrow and for restoring my credit. To helping my mom get her house fixed up and maybe even bringing her to life with me, so we could sell it and give her something more to live on besides her retirement. 
I would just like to thank everyone who has made getting past a very dark time in my life a little bit easier to deal with.
THANK YOU, you all know who you are!!!!

Moving On

Sometimes in life we are rolling along, thinking everything is fine.  When out of the clear blue sky someone knocks you don't.  Well, that happened to me recently.  It was someone that I never in a million years would have thought could possibly do that to me.  Someone I loved so very very much. And still do.
I thought I had found the perfect man.  Not that he was perfect, of course no one is.  But, a man that I could love and trust and grow old with.  Someone who had been through a very difficult time in his life as well as I had.  I thought when he told me he loved.  When he said that it was Forever and Always, that he meant it.  Someone that I gave myself to completely. 
Then one day he came to me and said, I want to be single, I want to be free......
My world came crashing down around me, I couldn't see how I could possibly live.  I couldn't imagine living without this man in my life.  I wanted desperately to know why.  I wanted desperately to understand what had changed, what I had done or not done that would make him say he didn't love me. 
But, he would not be open with me, he would not stand up and be a man,  He would not give an explination.  He sent me away.  He paid for me to return to my previous home.  He sent me back to my family.  He sent me away so fast that I didn't even have time to decide what my options were. 
I miss my home, cuz thats where I feel like home is.  I miss the beach.  I miss hime.

But, life goes on.  The sun rises, the sun sets.  The hands on the clock keep going around. We put one foot in front of the other and keep on moving through our days.

Although right now, I am still totally in shock over what happened. I really find it so hard to believe that he could act the way he did.  Someone that I knew to be so caring, in a heartbeat turned into someone who didn't care at all. 

I will spend the rest of my life not understanding how someone could make me believe how much they loved me and then not.  In the meantime, I will try to bring myself some peace,  Try to put my life back together again as best I can.  I know that it will be a long time (if ever) before I can ever try to trust anyone again.  I the meantime, I will put ALL of trust in God.  I know that as long as I keep Him in the center of my life I will survive.  I will mend.  I will be right where He wants me to be.  And one day maybe,  He will send me someone to love, someone to trust, someone to grow old with.